Overeating, portion control, food addict, emotional eating. These are all names that describe the symptom.

The root is fear and lack of understanding of the constant emotional wave that those whose inner authority is emotional experience.

As a child, I swore off emotions. I didn’t see good ways of managing them and I didn’t understand how the risk outweighed the reward.

As an adult, I opened up a little and my weight fluctuations increased in intensity and frequency. I was not aware of why my eating habits would suddenly change and couldn’t connect the dots.

Human Design has changed the focus to the emotions and not the food. The food is not the problem, but it can perpetuate it.

The volatile emotional storm I feel nearly constantly inside of me is rarely seen by others. People describe me as hard to read. They are there. I don’t know what to do with them so most of the time, I file them away for later.

These aren’t vague emotions like happiness or sadness.

Imagine feeling so angry that darkness grows behind your eyes and your arms feel like fire that will consume you if you don’t hot something.

Imagine feeling so depressed that you sleep for days, ignoring people who care about you causing you to feel even more lonely and depressed, wanting to get up but your body feels like a stone at the bottom of the ocean and it’s easier to stay and not move and let the ocean draw out your tears.

Imagine being so horny that 10 orgasms is not enough, that your tender skin burns with desire and pain, that you don’t care if you’re in a public bathroom or in your car, that you can’t sleep at night because every part of your being is focused on one thing.

I realize again that these emotions are not for nothing. I see things in the water that others cannot. For fear of judgment, rejection, and ostracism I’ve held back the darkness.

Every morning, I read my ethos, and say the line “I accept and love all aspects of myself: light and shadow.”

Well, the light has been the start of the show mostly. The shadow has had occasional sensored appearances.

Today, I make a commitment to myself to express all of myself, light and dark. I accept that those who are not in alignment may react negatively and that those who are will stay and bring more with them. I know that my healing involves this pure, unaltered expression of my soul. I know that my service requires my communication of my life experiences and I can’t have just one toe in.

If you read this entire post, I love you. You are the reason I am here and I am eternally grateful for your receptivity.

Much love,
Asha

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