This menstrual cycle, I feel like a wrecked whale being kept alive by the loving waves of my partner.
Yesterday, I felt great. Jason has been making herbal pain and mood shots for me that completely alleviate menstrual cramps and mental fog. They truly have been a lifesaver because my cramps haven’t been this devastating for a while. On lunch, we had a chat that just skimmed the surface. We both knew there was more, but my lunch break isn’t the time to delve into an emotional topic. I had a productive rest of the day and then got into the car to go home.
I sat there.
I was exhausted I realized.
I wanted something to fill me up because I felt drained.
I wanted something to distract me because I felt a up-welling of emotions I haven’t had a chance to deal with all day.
I wanted a clear and open mind to focus on my own passions.
I wanted clarity.
On the drive home, I listened to Elizabeth Benton’s podcast episode 705:Creating and Improving Your Growth Mindset. It made me think of Jason. It made me think of how, as much as I preach positive thinking, I am still un-learning my fixed mindset. I still hold “I can’t” beliefs that hold me back and limit my potential. I thought about how I’m always giving Jason advice and how I must remember to live by example.
When I got home, I cried in Jason’s arms. We talked about our day and his was as emotional as mine but I hadn’t released what I was holding until I got home, until I felt safe.
Now, I have a bit more to worth with. Enough to do some writing, reading, and helping with the puppy.
It is important to cultivate safety. A person, place, or thing that you can retreat to and be yourself. We like to let others think that the persona we project to the world is the complete truth but deep down we know that isn’t always the case. For whatever reason, we protect a part of ourselves from the external world. For me, its because I am still learning my emotions and I don’t want to lash out or turn into a puddle of tears and not know how to move forward. I’d rather be in my safe space, which is my bedroom, and explore that world.