I just talked to an amazing woman about letting go of control and facing fears. She’s productive and extremely successful in her field but is afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of emotional pain, afraid of people having power over her.
I got worked up during our chat because I’ve heard this so many times and its conditioning I’m still releasing after so many years of working on it.
I grew up with lack of security financially, emotionally, and physically. I also knew others in the same situation and they sought out security in any way they could. For a lot of people, it was control. Control = safety.
That manifested for me as controlling emotions, actions, and outcomes. No surprises. No risks. No change. This resulted in not much of a life, few meaningful relationships, and mental illness.
I was resisting the change in me that needed to occur which caused my external world to try to change me instead. And it did. And it hurt. But it didn’t have to.
That’s the key.
Change doesn’t have to be a battle or painful. But change shouldn’t be available for fear of pain or else that’s what you will experience.
God, the universe, gives us signs, opportunities, nudges in the right direction. They’re often subtle or not what we expected.
When we ignore those, they get louder, we experience pain because we’re not on our pain, our body feels pain and we become frozen.
It’s all connected. Our mind, body, spirit, and energy all conspire to get us where we need to be to grow as a person and sometimes that seems crazy.
A few days ago, I was called to write 222 on my palms and feet. The next day I met a man who expressed romantic interest in me and as we’ve gotten to know each other, I realize that he has similar personality traits that previous partners have and it’s an opportunity for me to put into practice what I’ve learned. It has also brought up unexpected triggers for me that I thought I’d resolved. He also is growth-minded and spiritual which is not something most of my previous partners have been.
That experience was a sign for me to explore these lessons and triggers in a conscious way with someone who is also doing the same thing. Instead of retreating or trying to control the situation by blaming him for my triggers, I was honest.
I told him what was coming up for me and what I needed in order to work through it myself.
It was scary and I managed it through text instead of in person, but the point is to act in the face of fear.
Action doesn’t have to be pretty, perfect, or eloquent. It just needs to be true.
Fear is our compass.
We don’t control which way the arrow points.